Chaos

So this week on facebook is a status chain thing going on that reads:

Retro week is over! Starting now, post a picture of someone fictional that you think best represents your personality. Be creative. Copy and paste this so we can all play along" Cute. But i'm not going to do it because I think it's dumb. No long, drawn out answer. It's just stupid. But what character best represents me? I promise you the answer is very super nerdy, but you should already expect that of me. Since I was a kid up until probably 21, I identified with Peter Parker. Then I kinda of went back and forth between Batman and Captain Kirk. How odd? Well I think of Batman as somebody whose obsessed with accomplishing his goals to the point where he just loses touch with humanity. At the same time I also admire Captain Kirk for being a leader with his shit together while being super flirty and having fun with the ladies.

I have to admit I haven't felt like Captain Kirk lately. And I suppose I've been relating to Dexter Morgan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been going ape shit over that show and talking about it bunches, but for me, my relationships with people have changed. Since going into post production I've become much more isolated and very much less social. So I feel like I have to pretend to have a good time, when I'm constantly in my own little world that nobody can identify with (i know that's a lie and we all feel that way) I also feel that since my relationships with people have changed, they almost represent characters and people in his life. Mallory is totally Deborah Morgan. Johnny is Masuka (except with out being a pervert), and I guess I can fill in the rest. I guess Leroy is Angel Batista (but Mexican instead of Cuban). Nobody is Rita. Maybe there was a Rita last week. She knows who she is. If she's reading this, "Go take a bath."

So those are the fictional characters I relate to throughout my life and now I no longer feel like Captain Kirk but feel like Dexter Morgan. Lame.

I believe part of my issue is stability. I have way too damned much of it. Everything is so perfect and set in stone that I am now in a position where I am trying to force chaos into my life. But it's not working. Ya see I've been getting trashed a lot lately. Mostly to calm those voices and angsty feelings that are driving me to work on said short films from last blog thing. I have a routine that I secretly follow when I'm out getting drunk to avoid a hangover and prevent myself from doing something stupid (except drunk text. and even worse drunk facebooking) So I even feel the need to control drunkenness. One big indicator of why I need to let go and let chaos take over. So let's talk about my drunkenness. Yes, I've been getting getting trashed a lot lately. I might be somewhat self destructive. Some people accept it. Some people worry. Nothing to worry about, because I can't even let myself do something stupid. I do have a lot of fun, archiving my stupidest, most random thoughts on Facebook while I'm drunk. I do this in hopes of entertaining people and possibly tell a story for whoever is reading. Although I really need to stop doing that.