Light

I love light.

I don’t expect a lot of people to understand, but I think about it at almost all times I love how it can shape the landscape of a face. If bright orange or blank white, you can tell if it’s hot or cold regardless of sweat, clothes, or snow. When the sun sets or rises, you get an amazing display of light dancing up the horizons, while it casts a visually warm blanket over whatever it touches. This is called Magic Hour or Golden Hour. People who’ve worked with me know how much of a pain in the ass I can be to film during this hour.

Light has an amazing effect on the human body. It can outline a face, shape a woman’s body. If you can control light, you have total control over what a person looks like.

When somebody asks me about cameras or settings, I try very hard to not show that I’m laughing or grimacing at those questions. It’s all about light and framing. Frame it so that it looks like a movie and then move your lights in a way where you can shape the actors (not just see them, but so that you create an outline of them)

I hate shadows. Shadows can be used well but sometimes they get in my fucking say. I have a big pet peeve over an actor’s face being shadowed by another actor and I can be such a pain in the ass when that happens. Maybe my fault with lighting, but fuck I liked how it looked.

In most ways, I believe light is inescapable. Perhaps this isn’t true with everybody’s vision, but even when you turn off all the lights, you can still see. Light is still there. I’d imagine if you were truly without light, you’d feel lousy. And yes I know I’m a kid that wears all black and makes scary movies, so I’m supposed to be all about darkness. But that’s a terrible way to live. I love light, respect its power, and it is my friend.

Chaos

So this week on facebook is a status chain thing going on that reads:

Retro week is over! Starting now, post a picture of someone fictional that you think best represents your personality. Be creative. Copy and paste this so we can all play along" Cute. But i'm not going to do it because I think it's dumb. No long, drawn out answer. It's just stupid. But what character best represents me? I promise you the answer is very super nerdy, but you should already expect that of me. Since I was a kid up until probably 21, I identified with Peter Parker. Then I kinda of went back and forth between Batman and Captain Kirk. How odd? Well I think of Batman as somebody whose obsessed with accomplishing his goals to the point where he just loses touch with humanity. At the same time I also admire Captain Kirk for being a leader with his shit together while being super flirty and having fun with the ladies.

I have to admit I haven't felt like Captain Kirk lately. And I suppose I've been relating to Dexter Morgan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been going ape shit over that show and talking about it bunches, but for me, my relationships with people have changed. Since going into post production I've become much more isolated and very much less social. So I feel like I have to pretend to have a good time, when I'm constantly in my own little world that nobody can identify with (i know that's a lie and we all feel that way) I also feel that since my relationships with people have changed, they almost represent characters and people in his life. Mallory is totally Deborah Morgan. Johnny is Masuka (except with out being a pervert), and I guess I can fill in the rest. I guess Leroy is Angel Batista (but Mexican instead of Cuban). Nobody is Rita. Maybe there was a Rita last week. She knows who she is. If she's reading this, "Go take a bath."

So those are the fictional characters I relate to throughout my life and now I no longer feel like Captain Kirk but feel like Dexter Morgan. Lame.

I believe part of my issue is stability. I have way too damned much of it. Everything is so perfect and set in stone that I am now in a position where I am trying to force chaos into my life. But it's not working. Ya see I've been getting trashed a lot lately. Mostly to calm those voices and angsty feelings that are driving me to work on said short films from last blog thing. I have a routine that I secretly follow when I'm out getting drunk to avoid a hangover and prevent myself from doing something stupid (except drunk text. and even worse drunk facebooking) So I even feel the need to control drunkenness. One big indicator of why I need to let go and let chaos take over. So let's talk about my drunkenness. Yes, I've been getting getting trashed a lot lately. I might be somewhat self destructive. Some people accept it. Some people worry. Nothing to worry about, because I can't even let myself do something stupid. I do have a lot of fun, archiving my stupidest, most random thoughts on Facebook while I'm drunk. I do this in hopes of entertaining people and possibly tell a story for whoever is reading. Although I really need to stop doing that.

I am Robert Luke and I like it.

I started this somewhat hungover. Finished it with a clearer head.

Only a select few have seen much of me in the past month or so. Probably even a select few of that select few had noticed how I hadn't been myself much. The worst part was that I knew something was eating at my soul and I didn't know what it was. It's like I had some odd, angsty need for something but I didn't know what it was either.

For the past few months or so, I had been heavily involved in the post production of two films. One is Possum Walk which is what I'm currently producing. The other is Walking Distance, where I am making all the "Behind the scenes" and DVD extras. I'm a person that tries to accomplish a goal at all costs, even if that means not sleeping or eating. I could deal with that much.

Looking back now I had lost part of myself while working on these films. I'm not bitching. It's quite common in film making and I know it happens. I just forget about it every time. I have lost track of a lot of my friends and they seem like strangers to me now. I haven't been dating or even talking to girls like I had before. It was tricky because I wasn't interested in socializing or flirting, because that had nothing to do with my goals. I'm bad at turning that off.

Since I'm winding down on Walking Distance and about to get back onto Possum Walk, I've actually been able to relax, and I totally forgot what that felt like. It's amazing, and I think I actually feel like me again.

The other thing that has been driving me just a little bit batty, is what I found out was some kind of artistic angst. For the past two years, I have been devoting my efforts to help other friend's movies. I have stories I need to tell. I've been coming up with a series of short films, as well as that big epic feature I've been writing forever. A lot of you have probably heard me talking about the big script. I'm not jumping to it just yet. I need something else first. All of this has been kind of putting me on edge, sometimes with a bottle and a cigarette. I'd like to quote my friend Mallory, who I think has a brilliant writer's mind ("Persephone" project, yo! Let's do it!) "It's not alcohalism, it's the artistic temperament. We can't handle our fire, so we typically kill ourselves. I need more time, to prove something, to change something." I think that very much sums up the way I've been feeling when I feel like I'm about to flip out and start kicking things.

Now that we're in 2010, I'll be starting over to make my own films again. Working on these two films had allowed me to observe how other people work, meet new people and grow, while being involved on what I believe to be two very potential films.

Now, I have 3 or 4 shorts to do in 2010. That will allow me to improve my game, work with more people, and more importantly have a better representation of what I can do on a film, as oppose to my first feature, "The Man in the Garage" or the doc extras for "Walking Distance", or my cinematography for "Possum Walk" (Although I'm extremely proud of all of those projects) It will also give me more to showcase and go to more festivals with. And I really need another festival to rock star at (be a drunken bad ass, make out with actresses, and receive sage advice from movie stars)

Speaking of which, Walking Distance work is winding down. Still have a little bit more time to do a few more videos for the movie. James and Mel have been very complimentary and have been given great feedback on the videos and they look very nice. I actually started to feel somewhat impressed by watching it.

There's one more thing I need to bitch about. I hate birthdays. I do. But everybody else wants to celebrate it. I'm the asshole who usually doesn't tell anybody about a birthday, while I ignore the human race and avoid my friends and family until the day ends. Really, I do owe it to my friends who want to celebrate me going 25 years without dying of alcohol poisoning. I'd love to have all of my Houston, Dallas, and Austin friends (and one girl from Louisiana) all in the same place. That would be hard/impossible to accomplish. I also have no idea what people do for their birthdays. I guess we can go to the pub. I should take the next Monday off. Well we'll see. BTW: Dexter season 2 on blu ray, a black and white checkered board table with stools, dish and glass set, a working car/Nissan Cube (white with automatic transmission and a built in iPod connector). Go for it, friends.

So finally, to sum it all up, I do feel like my self again. I am Robert and I like it (devilish grin)

New Decade

I could've written a very lovely little dialogue about the decade. I'm not sure what I'd have to write about. I have all kinds of angsty stories of growing up from age 14-24. When thinking about ten years, I think not enough happens and I need to move faster.

I have some theories as to why I think the next decade is going to be an amazing time for me and my friends.

On the new Years weekend, I shaved my beard and cut my hair. Not doing a new look, not changing anything. I just thought I my beard could use a do over and needed to remind myself of why I require a beard. I go back and forth between liking neat short hair and messy long hair.

I'm starting a new short script as well. I'm excited. I know who I want to be in it. It might be an easier film for me to film. Haven't decided if I want to do my own cinematography or not. On one hand, I can make great pictures and I will work for myself for free, but then I'd love to be able to concentrate on the actors and just watch a monitor without having to worry about moving the camera.

So 2010, we are going to make at least 3 new short films. I've talked talked to my girl-twin about it and she's on board so watch for us terrorizing the film festivals and crashing the parties. Even if we're invited, we're still crashing them. That's how we do things.